I thee wed

Today is the 4th anniversary of the day my sister-in-law and her husband got married. When you plan a wedding for over a year and your brother dies 3 days before the wedding, what do you do? There was a short discussion about postponing the wedding that was quickly squashed and then revisited a few times over the next couple days. The wedding happened, but it wasn't the formal affair that was planned. The wedding cake was arranged to be delivered the night before. After the rehearsal which was almost exclusively family anyway, we had a dinner and cake together in one of the meeting rooms of the church. The reception was cancelled all together. The wedding was more somber and tearful than most. Afterward, the family left the church together and we had a quiet dinner in an Italian restaurant that used to be a Dairy Queen. The honeymoon was postponed.

While this was a difficult time for all of us, it was especially emotional for my sister-in-law. As it turned out, the anniversary of the day they met was exactly six months from the anniversary of the day they married. It was decided that they would celebrate June 20th as their anniversary. On the Dec. 20, 2004, I wished them a happy anniversary and I was told that it was not their anniversary. I'll admit I'm a traditionalist. I'm also aware that this isn't in any way my call. For a long time, I internally fought with the idea that they weren't celebrating on Dec. 20th but I couldn't really articulate what it was that I was struggling with. This year I had an epiphany.

From today on, every Dec. 2oth I will pause and remember that day in 2003 when two people stood in dim chapel filled with tiny, white, Christmas lights, looked into each other's eyes and their love prevailed over death, grief and disappointment.